I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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