Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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