I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
