I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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