when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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