I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
