I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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