just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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