i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize