Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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