We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
