i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
