Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
