i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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