So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
