I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
