someone threw a dead crab at me
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
