Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
