Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
