My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
my being single is dangerous.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
