are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
