Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
