Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I need water and some morals
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
