I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
operation have a gay friend backfired
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
