FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
