There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
