you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
