I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
