you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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