I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
