he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
