No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize