he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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