dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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