i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
