Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize