just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
