My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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