She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
