what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
