Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
