you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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