This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
we should paint friendship bongs
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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