Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
