You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
