i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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