Define "chronic" masturbator.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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