seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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