yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
