my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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