nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
