i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
