This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
