I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
