So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
