if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
