i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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