it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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