Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
