Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
