She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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