I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
